That satisfied yet slightly sad feeling you get when finishing a great book

Lounging snugly in bed on Monday morning, the last day of 2007, having just finished reading Julie and Julia: 365 days, 524 recipes, 1 Tiny Apartment Kitchen by Julie Powell and feeling blissfully hopeful and happy. This book is hysterical. It follows Julie as she tackles all of the recipes in Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking in a years time. I often felt like I was standing next to Julie, sympathizing with her difficulties and triumphing with her successes in the kitchen. The way that she uses words honestly and concocts sentences as if she was relaying stories to her good friends gives the book a personal feel for sure. Google the Julie/Julia Project to see her culinary journey....

I can't help noticing how the last two books I have read have been about women my age writing about projects they took on because they didn't really know what they wanted to do with their lives (before Julie and Julia I read Hack by Melissa Plaut, a chronicle about the adventures of being a female taxi driver in NYC). This book trend is not lost on me and after reading both I have felt great surges of hope that this 28-soon-to-be-29 year old will figure something magnificent out for the new year.

Celebrated my friend Becky's 30th birthday last night amongst great people and delicious pizza. It was one of those evenings where engaging conversations just continually flowed, whether or not you had a glass of wine in your hand. There are good people in Jackson, Wyoming...

I am going to write down some resolutions for the coming year on tomorrows post. I prefer to call resolutions " Things-to-Work-On" because this allows for a little more slippage. Call it a lack of willpower maybe but I like to think of it as just being gentle with myself if I happen to fall a little short of my purposed goal(s) :)

I do have some art to post too. I keep giving creations away before taking photos, a habit that I have to fall out of....My first Thing-to-Work-On.

Obsessed with Olive....

I can only imagine how I would be as a mother to a human baby. My relationship with my dog of two and a 1/2 years gives some indication of the type of mother I would be. A photo-crazy one for sure but also a loving one, eager to learn how to best communicate with my little one. As friends and boyfriend can attest I am a sucker for books on dogs and how to be a better dog owner. My parents gave me Merle's Door by local Wyoming author Ted Kerasote for Christmas. I have already read the book and adored it, crying myself through the last three chapters while looking at Olive and giving thanks for her existence. I must read for sure. Thanks for having good taste Mom and Dad!

We ( Jamie, Olive and myself) all had, as Olive's photo shows, a really nice, bright Christmas. Much to be thankful for....

Last night turned into a date night, one of those evenings when I felt like I was with someone for the first time as well as with my boyfriend of four years. Which equals a great night. All the art galleries were open late, indulging visitors with wine, holiday treats and good art. My scientifically-inclined boyfriend has amazed me numerous times with the way that he can talk about artwork, often finding meanings that I haven't even thought of. His awareness seems to support the idea that anyone can talk and appreciate art and in fact, some of the best are those that appear to be furthest away from the " creative" world. After delicious buffalo burgers, catchy tunes by the Boondocks, serious conversation and some good laughs ( Jamie was cougar bait. Residents of ski towns will know what I mean.) I came home full, not just of burger but true happiness.

Unlike a few days ago when I hiked Glory on a bluebird morning, the valley stretching out below Jill and I, today was a day when being blown over on the boot pack was a good possibility. At times it was pure white-out with the winds gusting around 50 knots. And I was on skis! Relying on bad visibility and slightly out of control I made my way down Shovel Slide, making a few good turns in the process. Skiing is much more work than snowboarding. Olive became a polar bear cub, her face a mask of white with only black eyes shining through. It was too cold to pull out the camera then but this photo shows her after we reached the safety of the truck. A mix of tired-dog and slight annoyance at having her photo taken by her doting "mom" yet again.

A Very Merry Christmas

I finished watching The Polar Express this morning, curled up in the Lazy Boy while a young fire crackled, and could picture the illustrations from the book. The movie's graphics are amazing and the story, although embellished, is still sweet and meaningful. It brings a little magic back into Christmas....

It has been a good day, a good week. The craziness of this holiday only intensifies each year and the searching for presents, the rushing of events, the hurrying seem to miss the point of it all completely. It was nice to get my presents off to my family and to be there for Julia as she dealt with the surgery and beginning rehabilitation of her knee. Finishing Jame's painting depicting our upcoming summer adventures in the desert, watching Olive play with her new toys, having Beth, Jamie's mom, here to celebrate the holiday and talking to family and friends on the phone were what made this holiday special and made me feel more festive.

I hope to be more regular with this blog as everything holiday related settles. I also hope to be more artistically inclined.

A Merry Christmas to all!

Start of a new month

Yesterday, trying to fight this depleting cold, I hiked Mt. Glory with Jamie and Olive and two hundred other anxious, powder-loving individuals. It was a beautiful morning, the sky tinged pink, and the hike up was not too strenuous. The ride down was beautiful, powder spraying up, carving long arcs down pure blankets of soft whiteness. Olive was in utter heaven. After the first one hundred yards of the boot-pack she turned around, snow decorating her face so only her eyes shown black, and seemed to say through her wide ear-to-ear grin, " Mom, this is so great." Having a dog who finds joy in every adventure makes any trip, even a hike up Mt. Glory with hordes of other people, enjoyable.

I am almost done reading Blessed Unrest by Paul Hawken. I need to read it again to get all of the valuable information and insights out of it. It is a beautifully written book, full of optimism and confidence in the direction of the world. Hawken centers his book around the increasing influence of environmental and social non-profits, foundations, and organizations on the world and how these entities exist not through ideologies but through truth. His words and research give hope that through making yourself an aware and thoughtful person on this planet you can begin to live in a less impactful way. Human beings are part of nature and the harm we do to Earth, we do to ourselves.

5 Grateful's for December 1:

1. Ginger tea

2. The handmade, artistic advent calendar from my Mom.

3. Olives playfulness with other dogs on Cache Creek Trail.

4. Jamie's hug.

5. Our wood stove on this cold, clear night.

Gratitude

There is so much to be thankful for.

I found out yesterday, opening the Daily, that an acquaintance of mine had died in a car crash in Mexico. I know his wife of six-months, Mandy, better but had spent enough time with Chris to know that he was a really good man, one of those gentle human beings who effortlessly spreads kindness. And he and Mandy were really in love.

Life can just be gone so quickly. I know that I do not think about that enough. Not in a morbid sense, but with deep appreciation for all the gifts that surround me each day. My dogs cuddles when I wake up in the morning, the hot coffee Jamie leaves for me every morning, my ability to get out of bed and go for a run, the mountainous view when I come down Putt-Putt trail, the snug house that I live in, the wonderful friends that surround me...the list is endless. Upon hearing of her friend Phil's cancer, Babs said, " That is why you make sure that you are doing what you love...". And those words echoed through my head as I read the small article about Chris's death. Get over the fear and realize that time is valuable. Chris led a giving life. He bestowed numerous gifts upon the students of this valley and was an active participant in Habitat for Humanity. My heart goes out to his family and to Mandy who is having to deal with physical pain as well as the deep emotional loss of the man that she had decided to share her life with.

Just a few photos from the last week:




Jamie's sister Nikki looking out over the back side of the Tetons while skiing at Grand Targhee. My first time this season back on the snowboard and it felt great.




One of the cows that I made out of foam-core for Dancers' Workshop's production of The Wizard of Oz. This poor beast will be caught up in the cyclone that sends Dorthey's house flying....After one rehearsal he had already bent a leg and broken his tail.

The full moon that I got to see rise over the Snake River, a fishing bald eagle silhouetted in its intense glow. This shot is taken after the moon had risen a ways in the sky.

Figure in Red

I have discovered that when I wake up and immediately reach for my writing notebook, delving into what Julia Cameron calls Morning Pages, I feel lighter and more ready for the day. Rarely does the pen lift from the page and ink just flows. The idea of Morning Pages is that they eventually lead to creative flow, allowing the mind to aimlessly empty. They are not part of a journal, although mine take on that quality, and after completion they are not to be read for at least a few years. Unconscious writing but appropriate words...

The piece to the right is small. Only measuring four x six, this painting was made largely to use up paint but I ended up really appreciating the etheral figure that emerged. I have realized recently how much I love titanium white. It is like frosting and meant to be put on thick.

My hands are green from painting the stairs that will lead to the Emerald City....I am helping out with props for Dancers' Workshop's holiday performance of the Wizard of Oz. It is fun to be swept back into a favorite childhood story, to make the creation of larger-than-life lollipops and foamcore barn animals an adult responsibility.

5 Grateful's

1. The sunshine hitting the butte outside the window.

2. The warm day, however eerie it may be for this time in November.

3. That Jamie is cooking a delicious dinner right at this moment.

4. Laughing with Robin and Babs while painting stairs Kelly green.

5. The lightbulbs that I bought that make our dining room table lighter.

Lazy Sunday

Snow needs to come to the valley. I loved the warm fall that we had but when gray skies, cold rain and mud replace sunshine one wishes for the white goodness.

After our muddy adventure with Julia yesterday (which was amazingly fun and gave me the same feeling that playing soccer games in the rain used to) Olive and I opted for the least dirty running route, the dike. For running challenge the dike is perfectly flat, the terrain non-changing. For beauty it is plentiful. There seems to always be amazing light whenever I am there, hitting off clouds and mountains, casting intense or subtle shadows.

This painting is one that I did in my workshop last weekend. It was one of the first after I decided not to take it all so seriously, to just make shapes and use colors. I ended up really liking it.

I am struggling this Sunday night with where I am at right now. Last week I was on an art-high, confident that I have the motivation and talent to make a creative life. Tonight I am not so sure. Why is making art so scary? Even if it is just for myself I still feel fear. But when I think about a "real" job I feel less than enthralled. I know that I am the only one holding me back. I can physically feel myself doing it, suppressing potential. Reminds me of the wise words of Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

5 gratefuls:

1. The new room configuration that Jamie and I worked on together this morning. There is better feng shui for sure.

2. The photos that my mom sent me of my amazing brother in his body-building competition. To be posted here soon.

3. Olives smile when she gets to run.

4. The veggie burgers I made from scratch.

5. The Bay School newsletter which always makes me so thankful for the education I received there.

Sunshine breaking through the clouds

The sun keeps peeking through the blanket of grey, enticing Olive and I to get our daily walk in. The day has been less than motivating, with spitting cold rain and low skies. But when you live with a Border Collie/Australian Shepherd exercise is crucial. I have noticed though, as if she is keeping an eye on the dismal weather out the window, that Olive has gone back to bed many times today.

Below is not the best example of my Photoshop knowledge but for conveniences sake this image will be used. This painting is 3 x 5 feet, probably the largest piece of art work I have ever done. It felt amazing. I discovered that I stood differently, made wider arm movements and used paint in much greater quantities when painting this big. It was freeing, almost like a different art form. I know that this has opened up the door to new experiences, as scary as it also is. There is great metaphor in making big art when you are trying to be brave and put yourself out there as an artist.

This new discovery of working big is due to a four-day workshop that I took at the Art Association called Mixed Media: Engage your Creative Potential. An inspiring group of supportive women and an encouraging teacher made the weekend almost a therapy session of sorts. Check out www.laurenmantecon.com ( the instructor) as well as www.artassociation.org.


5 grateful's for today:
1. Inspirational friends. Thank you Julia and Ben.
2. Firewood right outside my door
3. Having a wonderful library in Jackson
4. Fresh coffee made by my boy
5. Lyle Lovett

Finding a type of clarity....

Right now I am unemployed.

It is amazing how hard it is to share that with people and not feel a bit guilty. Who am I to not have a job? But the fact is is that I am learning more about myself as the weeks pass then I ever would have sitting at a nine to five desk. This information is invaluable. There is not enough recognition of the importance of a balanced self in this society. It is encouraged to be more skilled at a computer program than on discovering what makes you a happy, healthy being.

For the first time in over a year I have been able to paint without keeping one eye on the clock and budgeting my time "wisely". I have been getting lost lately, amazed by the hours that fly by, only knowing that it is still morning because of the World Cafe.

I have been doing small imagined landscapes, based off of my first outside painting experience with my Mom in Maine. I found that while I enjoyed painting what I saw in front of me, my work is now wandering back to the landscapes in my head. Below and above are some of these imagined lands...

Weekend in Lander

My fingertips are sore.
We spent the weekend in Lander, under a hot sun, climbing some great rock. There is nothing that quite compares to making your way up a problem, your body and mind actively working together. It was also a weekend of testing out the new camper. I have to say it is quite nice, as the temperature decreases, to be snug in a cozy space complete with small furnace and warm boy.

With beautiful yellow eyes, an orange-grey coat and strong dignity, this wolf ran across our path as we were driving to Lander. He looked at us from ten feet away and then made his way leisurely through the sage brush. Olive growled quietly, sensing wildness that she possesses and also fears.

It feels great to live without much stuff in a small space. I felt like I was five and playing house, with a miniature stove and fridge. I have a feeling that the camper life will be our reality come next spring.

Olive dog has become quite the rock dog. She does wonder what we silly humans are doing when we scale rock faces, often in very warm temperatures. But she has become accustomed to finding good sticks to chew and comfortable lounging places like the one above.

So much to do on a Blog!

As I search around the web, looking at peoples blogs, I am realizing that there has been this world out there that I have been completely unaware of. It is exciting to find something new in which to be creative.

I made a piece of art today; I will post it when I can. It felt amazing to take most of my day and just paint. For the first time in a long time I got lost in the colors, the idea, the composition and didn't realize that the hours of the morning slipped away. Art, up until now, had been a chore I am realizing. I paid more attention to my watch then my canvas. And I observed my feelings today after doing art all day....I was so happy and open and truly creative. I could feel it in my blood, pulsing, as I looked at the world with slightly different eyes. I think that once you start creating, you start seeing the world as creative, put out there for your eyes to make compositions and notice color patterns and relationships.

5 grateful's for today:
1. That coffee was waiting for me, hot and perfectly strong, when I got up.
2. That I can still remember how to be a creative person.
3. My walk with Amy and Olive
4. That I got to play dress-up, one of my favorite things, at DW.
5. That I made a piece for Debauchery and Art and was able to share it honestly and articulately.

Mountain Day

After a slow start to the morning, it was wonderful to get out with my wonderful friend Julia and take a refreshing run around Jenny Lake. The towering Tetons reflected their newly white faces into the calm waters and we encountered little mud and wet. This run left me feeling so happy to live where I do; it is a gift to be able to live so closely and contently with the natural world.

I am going to start my goal of uploading a piece of art at least four times a week on Monday. It is exciting to have a motivation that is not a person or place but rather a virtual world...

Five things I am grateful for today: 1. The ability to get up in front of strangers and just dance 2. The full moon that shines through my window right now 3. My two feet that propel me forward 4. Julia 5. That Jamie wants to send out a Christmas letter to friends and family...not my idea in the least, completely his!

This is exciting...I can feel the creativity bursting already!

I just created this blog and I am going to use it for creative purposes....