Two months I ventured out on a new path.
I left behind my job, the comforts of structure, comeraditity, and a paycheck and took a step in a previously unexplored direction. The support of my friends, my husband, my parents has been immense, but gaining the support of myself has been difficult and a true challenge that will probably last many, many years, if not my lifetime. It is easy to let the small voices of doubt and fear be loud in your ear, sometimes letting their messages overshadow what the heart is telling you to do.
In this time, I have dived into books about the creative process and about fear and how to overcome it and signed up for online webinars which revolve around the idea of following your heart and getting out of your own way in order to make your dreams a reality. All this work that I have been doing is internal, not much to show for it on the outside, but I can feel an inside shift, which is where it all has to start anyway. Some days it has been overwhelming, to the point where too much self-help makes me feel like I am drowning, which is pointless. So, I want to use my blog as a way to purge, so that my head stays above the water and the ideas that I am learning sink in and are beneficial instead of just being thrown into a disorganized pile.
I am going to record insights from authors and online instructors that I am finding inspirational, as a way to dive into their theories and messages deeper and record them for future reference and reminder.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Full Moon Inspiration
Today was a good day.
Motivation to travel over snow-covered hills (and mountains) to get to Idaho Falls.
The smiles of two brown-eyed dogs in the backseat, happy to just be along despite the dismal destination point.
Success and decision-making in IF, resulting in a new couch that we scored for a major bargain!
Running around with dogs in the parking lot, while the cold wind whipped our faces.
Hanging out with one of my best friends (who just happens to be my love too).
Mergansers, ospreys, bluebirds on the dike.
A delicious dinner, while eyeing our new couch, and then collapsing into it. Finally a soft place to sit in the house!
The full moon rising, with the clouds dissipating around it to reveal its full glow.
A great day of accomplishment, hope, laughter, and beauty, despite the snow and cold.
Motivation to travel over snow-covered hills (and mountains) to get to Idaho Falls.
The smiles of two brown-eyed dogs in the backseat, happy to just be along despite the dismal destination point.
Success and decision-making in IF, resulting in a new couch that we scored for a major bargain!
Running around with dogs in the parking lot, while the cold wind whipped our faces.
Hanging out with one of my best friends (who just happens to be my love too).
Mergansers, ospreys, bluebirds on the dike.
A delicious dinner, while eyeing our new couch, and then collapsing into it. Finally a soft place to sit in the house!
The full moon rising, with the clouds dissipating around it to reveal its full glow.
A great day of accomplishment, hope, laughter, and beauty, despite the snow and cold.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Click!
 |
An excitement for today was the birdies that visited my feeder. They had been avoiding it it seemed, but this morning, chirping away, there were four or five of them eating birdseed in my yard. One was a crossbill I believe. Turning into such a birder...
Tomorrow is Monday. A new week of a new week. Full of promise.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Gallim, waves in Hebrew...
This past weekend Dancers' Workshop presented Gallim Dance from NYC. The young company's performance of their piece Blush has stayed with me into this week, images from the the evening-length work popping into my head from time to time. The freshness, the newness, the intensity and emotion was all so welcome and needed and embraced. This company's work spoke to me, told me to stop being so fearful and just go for it, that anything goes, that following emotion and feeling is not a bad impulse....It was quite forceful. There was nothing sweet or even traditionally beautiful about Blush and that is why it was one of my favorite dance pieces that I have ever seen.
It also made me want to choreograph something. And start dancing again. Oh, if only I hadn't stopped taking modern dance when I was five years old with Judy Davis! :)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
5 Gratefuls
I feel like it is time that I recorded some gratefuls....my small list for today.
1. Tired, I dragged myself to workout and felt amazing afterward
2. Hanging out with Robin, being movers of Snow White props. The moving wasn't so fun, the company was.
3. The library. It really is one of my favorite places to discover.
4. IMing with one of my best friends, hearing about her adventures in France, finding out her big news.
5. Climbing with Julia, who I haven't seen for a while. Laughing and encouraging.
Oh, and the sunset was amazing tonight. Olive and I set out for a 4:30pm walk along the elk refuge (the days are getting longer. I felt it today for the first time) and the clouds on the horizon were pink and purple striped. The sky just kept changing to more dramatic and jaw-dropping colors and shapes. Dark purple clouds against a light pink sky, the wind tossing it all around. Now the moon is out and everything is lit. And it is not even close to full! This is going to be a great week.....
1. Tired, I dragged myself to workout and felt amazing afterward
2. Hanging out with Robin, being movers of Snow White props. The moving wasn't so fun, the company was.
3. The library. It really is one of my favorite places to discover.
4. IMing with one of my best friends, hearing about her adventures in France, finding out her big news.
5. Climbing with Julia, who I haven't seen for a while. Laughing and encouraging.
Oh, and the sunset was amazing tonight. Olive and I set out for a 4:30pm walk along the elk refuge (the days are getting longer. I felt it today for the first time) and the clouds on the horizon were pink and purple striped. The sky just kept changing to more dramatic and jaw-dropping colors and shapes. Dark purple clouds against a light pink sky, the wind tossing it all around. Now the moon is out and everything is lit. And it is not even close to full! This is going to be a great week.....
Monday, January 2, 2012
Silent Night
There is something so delicious about having the house to yourself. Especially when you make it warm and cozy with a crackling fire, eat only a salad for dinner, and read magazines to your hearts content. Nothing but the occasional sigh or nuzzle from the dog. I love spending time with Jamie, and we can easily sit in silence with one another. But the silence of being alone is something completely different. It is as if all your guards, all your receptors, all your senses can just be a little more quiet.
Olive and I took a walk today as the sun set. The air got chillier and chillier as the light dimmed. Olive, oblivious to the cold, chewing on sticks like bubble gum. Me, being conscious of where I stepped in the packed down, slightly icy snow and keeping one eye out for deer and moose, ideally before my four-legged friend spotted them. That happened tonight. The buck saw me and I saw him, and we were both spared the obnoxious barking and disobedience of my little dog.
Been thinking a lot of about dogs the last day, ever since I got the text from Robin that Elly had passed in the night. Yesterday, watching Olive's excitement that never wans when the skis come out, holding on to those moments when her pure joy feeds into my blood infectiously and makes me smile right along with her. Doggies give so much. So much. And even in the moments when I scream at Olive in frustration, I have already forgiven her just because of who she is. That is one of the beauties of owning a dog- to practice easy forgiveness.
Peace to Elly dog. May you run fast, sniff often, and find many balls along your trails.
Olive and I took a walk today as the sun set. The air got chillier and chillier as the light dimmed. Olive, oblivious to the cold, chewing on sticks like bubble gum. Me, being conscious of where I stepped in the packed down, slightly icy snow and keeping one eye out for deer and moose, ideally before my four-legged friend spotted them. That happened tonight. The buck saw me and I saw him, and we were both spared the obnoxious barking and disobedience of my little dog.
Been thinking a lot of about dogs the last day, ever since I got the text from Robin that Elly had passed in the night. Yesterday, watching Olive's excitement that never wans when the skis come out, holding on to those moments when her pure joy feeds into my blood infectiously and makes me smile right along with her. Doggies give so much. So much. And even in the moments when I scream at Olive in frustration, I have already forgiven her just because of who she is. That is one of the beauties of owning a dog- to practice easy forgiveness.
Peace to Elly dog. May you run fast, sniff often, and find many balls along your trails.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The Journey
I found this poem when I googled "the journey". I was looking for a
book that Claire was telling me about, but it seemed appropriate to
stumble upon this poem by Mary Oliver. I have read it before and I love
it.
The
Journey
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice --
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn't stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save.
~ Mary Oliver ~
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