Stillness

I am reading The Wisdom of Yoga by Stephen Cope, per the suggestion of my friend Vanessa. I have been really digging the mental aspect of the Anusara classes that I have been going to, how the envisioning of energy is part of holding the poses, how alignment and breathe are stressed repeatedly. Cope is a teacher at Kripalu, where my dad went while I was in college. I remember visiting him there and it being gorgeous, the Western Mass mountains stretching around.

I read something last night about finding stillness, about being silent and just taking the time to not do. About how opening that can be, how beneficial to the mind and body. I need to find that more in my life. I like being alone, but I like doing things alone and often have a hard time just sitting alone. I notice this especially in this town, where it seems if you are not moving, you are not fully living . I need to slow my life down to some degree, at least guide it in directions where I feel like I can take the time to write, doodle, daydream, and create.

My new studio space is going to help with this. I went and visited her today, in her degree of chaos that is slowly becoming controlled by the work of diligent volunteers. I am so excited about moving down and being in an atmosphere of artists. I feel like I am not putting expectations on myself, not thinking that by moving down there suddenly art is going to come pouring out of me, but rather just simply curious about where this is going to direct and throw me. I need to get rid of things in my life that are not serving me...hard when so many things are...but there are a few pieces that could change that would relieve some stress and responsibility.

The sun shone again today. Olive and I skied down Cache Creek this morning in a beam of sunlight. Tomorrow it will be -20 below and I don't see cross country skiing in our cards. Hold the sunshine....

Time-Work-Beauty-Bliss

Today I thought about how it felt when I didn't have a job a few years ago, about what I did with my time, about how I floundered a bit. I wonder if I would be the same way now. It is always easier to think that the grass is greener on the other side, but I can't help but think that I would use my time better, would feel more confident to do art and writing and put it both out there. Today I felt a bit like I was running behind the bus, just a little late for everything, and like there were multiple buses I was attempting to catch. Too much on my mind and not enough of it is important, or important to me personally!! I am liking DW right now, liking that I am calm about being there, but sometimes the list feels HUGE and insurmountable. And when I find myself sitting for hours in front of a computer screen I wonder if this is what I am really supposed to be doing.

There is a woodpecker that is doing serious work on a dead tree along Hagen Trail. Each morning there have been a few more holes and wood chips on the snow. They work so hard, banging their heads again and again and again. Yesterday Olive and I sat and watched him, my one hand on Olives nape in case she mistook the bird for a squirrel, which has happened. So diligent and eager and purposeful.

The sky a brilliant pink tonight, casting a rosy glow over everything. Having been inside all day, I opted for a dog walk rather than agility in a dirty horse arena. Olive and I met Babs and Zeppo, her Newfoundland and one of Olives boyfriends, driving and Olive and Zep exchanged doggie kisses through the window. Priceless. The open display of affection and adoration. Olive kept looking over her shoulder as they drove away, wondering why we were walking the other direction.

Dance class tonight was the most blissful part of my day. It just feels good to dance. To move in those organic and free-flowing ways. I can feel myself over thinking things, when so much about modern is just letting the flow overtake you. It made me think about how I was when I first started at Augie's, how I just wanted to get things intellectually when the true test was to let my mind quiet. Want to keep that in mind for the next modern class.

A Day of Ahhhs.....

I woke up this morning feeling like I could sleep forever. The rustle of Jamie getting ready for work, the dog snuggle from my favorite dog, a cup of hot tea all got me moving. I had a morning where I felt strong, strong while I was working out at Augies and strong in the fact that I did errands and then came home straight to CCJH work. After talking with my parents.....who are such amazing individuals. I wish that we lived closer, but their blog gives me snippets into their days, reminding me that my writing is important to post for them as well.

Listening to the State of the Union address and feeling hopeful again, although also a little disillusioned by the rhetoric words of government. I want so many things that Obama spoke about; I can only hope that such things can be implemented. When he spoke of education, I couldn't help but be annoyed that the arts and humanities are continually left out of the picture, still after all these years of a failing education system, when creativity and openness is what is so desperately needed. I am reading this wonderful book by Ken Robinson called The Element which talks about a needed shift in the way we educate. See his great talk on TED.com below.

Jamie and I went to our now weekly yoga class and it was all about heart openers and feeling compassion for oneself and others and community. It was a nice message for me tonight. It felt good to stretch open and I really love that this is something new that Jamie and I can do together. I am really loving Anusara Yoga because it is all about getting postures correct and feeling the energy that resides in our bodies, in our muscles. Much visualization, which is right up my alley.

Watched A Dog Year tonight and although the ending was a little weak, it made me cry. What dog movie doesn't? And when it has a Border Collie in it, I am just mush. I am so enthralled by these dogs, by their craziness and sensitivity to everything around them. Olive teaches me so much daily and I know that I only take in little snippets of her education.

Time for bed. Nice to write a bit before my head hits the pillow though.

My Weekend

--Gripped by The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, lying in bed on Saturday morning because I can't put it down. Not the best writing ever, but a super intriguing story.

--A walk with Jamie and Olive, the snowy trail and woods to ourselves, getting Olive all revved up so that she exerts more energy.

--Browse n' Buy scores--new Cloudveil shorts, new Nike shorts, Smartwool long underwear, a super cute shirt dress, black capri leggings, and a styley jacket/shirt. I felt like I was in thrift store heaven.

--A paper show at my favorite art gallery, inspired by the artist Judy Pfaff. www.judypfaff.org/

--More reading and then walking down the elk refuge road in the beautiful afternoon light, the Tetons swirled in a light mist.

--Dinner with friends we haven't seen for a while.

--Sleeping in

--Hanging with Audrey and Mike at their cabin in the deep woods, surrounded by trees and snow. A leisurely breakfast, a short skin up behind their house to ski down amazing powder, happy dogs and owners, cozy cabin, great company and more food, playing Settlers of Catan.

--Home to bed, full, more peaceful than when the weekend started. Hoping to hold on to this mellowness as the work week begins.

32 Years

It felt good to not dread my birthday, as I did last year, to be in a better place where it was a cause for celebration, joy, and play and not dread at turning another year older. I spent all morning alone (with Olive, so not really alone), treating myself to a breakfast burrito and a latte, perusing the Browser racks, and taking Olive for a cross-country ski. I talked to my parents and friends on the phone, felt loved through emails, texts and Facebook, and relished the time by myself, time to just think.

I spent my afternoon in a three hour yoga workshop. It was amazing and the perfect gift to myself. One of my goals this year is to release myself to the powers and connections of yoga, to bring that activity into my life and see how it changes my relationship to myself, others, activities, and daily occurrences. We did handstands (which terrify me. I think that my mom brought me to gymnastics once and that was enough. I can't even do a somersault correctly) and many, many backbends which stretched my body and my mind.

The evening was spent with good friends, with good food and fun cheesy dance music. Birthdays really are about feeling the love from those in your life, from those all over the world and right in front of you, of honoring the fact that you were brought into the world to live a life.

Dancing

I am loving my modern dance classes. It is making me feel like a little kid again, the dance harkening to those first movements we took as little ones, when rolling on the floor and being super limber were just givens. I can remember my dance class with Judy Davis in which is now the Co-op dining area, the softness of the wooden floors and lighting, the play that was associated with moving.

I wasn't in the best mood this evening and the mixture of taking Olive to the horse arena to jump, weave, tunnel and climb, and moving my own body with nine other adventurous women, helped my mind and heart completely. Olive got dance class and so did I. Hers involved horse poop (delicious) and other eager dogs. Mine involved perspiring bodies and other motivated beginning dancers.

Dancing into our dreams....

Gratefuls for 1.11.11

Gratefuls for today:

--My breakfast in my "new" cozy kitchen (Jamie and I moved into our downstairs apartment in preparation for the demolition of the upstairs).

--A Marketing Workshop that got the gears going about how I can be a better employee in both of my jobs, while keeping it all more interesting.

--A beautiful, leisurely hike up Mt. Glory with bluebird skies and a brilliant sun.

--Olives chirping on the ski down, her joy at being in the outdoors.

--A tired body and a sun-kissed face.

--A good friends kind words

--A realization that I am so happy with my decision to stay put in Jackson and not worry about my future and what I am supposed to do with it....and jumping into a greater art-making process. Walking through that fear.

--My book club, full of interesting and curious and smart ladies. We ate pasta and salad and cookies and talked about a rather dull read....

--Jamie, who started a roaring fire and turned off the TV upon my return home :)

--A full day that has left me content and ready for shut eye....

My Days

Jamie and I spent all day cleaning the downstairs kitchen and moving our bedroom to the basement as well. It was hard work, but gratifying and the first step towards our renovations on the upstairs floor. This little house needs so much help and we are eager to help make it stronger, more functional, and beautiful. Although we didn't even step outside today (Olive did to accompany Eliah to his weekly acupuncture appointment around the corner. Olive loves her uncle.) it was a fulfilling day, with obvious results at the end of the day. I like that type of work sometimes. I am trying to look at this move to the basement as exciting, like we are moving into a new house for a few months. While cleaning, I came up with the idea of having a birthday dance party in our empty upstairs next weekend. Will be a perfect opportunity--all of the furniture will be gone and we won't have to worry about ruining anything because it is all going bye-bye soon after.

I have decided some new actions for my life in the last few days. I have been feeling the overwhelming weight of my birthday, not because it is my 32nd but because it is the due date for many grad school applications. I am not prepared to send in applications, and that fact has been bothering me, hanging over my head. But yesterday an art space opened up at Teton Artlab, an amazing room that costs very little and is housed in the midst of many talented artists of all genres. And I got asked by my co-worker Jen to do an installation for a dance piece she is choreographing. An art project to work on and a space to do it in. I am agreeing to both.

And with that, my decision has been made. I feel really good about it. I was attempting to do too many things to prepare for an art therapy program in a short amount of time. I am still going to take a psychology class and I am still going to go visit Naropa, because I don't want to close doors completely. But the fact is, I am not ready to take four pre-req.'s before August, shoot a body of artwork that I feel good about, figure out who to ask for recommendations, and wrap my mind around leaving my life here to live for three years in Boulder.

Now my challenge is to carve out quality time in my new studio, to not push my art to the side.

Modern Dance

Tonight I was a Modern dancer. Initially, I did not want to go to class because it was at a late time and it was at the place that I work. But it ended up being the highlight of a rather tiring and brain-deadening day. Modern dance is the equivalent of abstract art, which as you all know I love and am partial to. So as much as I liked my Ballet class a couple of months ago, my heart really responds to the easy-going, creative, and independent dance form of Modern.

We had to express Gooey movements across the floor, followed by Sharp, Fluid, and Sparkley ones. We got to roll, prance, jump and turn. My body felt so stiff in some ways, so caught in the rigidness that can be adulthood. A good hour and a half of letting go, having fun, laughing with eight great women, and forgetting about the list a mile long that I have going in my head and on numerous scrap pieces of paper at my desks.

Freeness, a nice state to go to bed in.

Busy Bee

I am thinking about a conversation that Claire and I were having recently about whether I prefer having my days jammed packed with a billion things, which seems to be the case more often than not, or if I wish that life was just a little slower. Looking back on this first day back at work (reality and not skiing powder every day) I feel really content, more so than I did yesterday from a day of doing little. I don't know exactly what that means, but it is just in my awareness right now. During the day I felt rather stressed and crunched and juggling many balls. But in retrospect it all came together and I was able to mix the work with a workout this morning, a nice lunch at home with my dog, and a climbing session at the gym with Jame. And I feel like I accomplished tasks at work, which is really satisfactory. I suppose what gets me down a bit is how I can busy myself easily with "jobs" that aren't really hitting my soul-like art, meditating, writing, etc.

My friend Jodeen dropped a box of ginger chews and my desk today and said thank you. I didn't know what for, until she told me that her husband has been painting for the last day and a half. Harry and I had this long discussion on New Year's Eve about making art, making ourselves do art, finding the time and space and motivation, and having others view our creations. I motivated him to go home and start painting again. That is what he told Jodeen. It made me so unbelievably happy, that I could help someone in this way.

This is a blog that I am loving now: http://dearinspirationblog.blogspot.com/

And this is a blog of a yoga teacher in town: http://neeshazollinger.blogspot.com/

Loved her last entry.

xo

Last day of freedom

After so much skiing this past week, I decided to give my body a break from the cold temperatures and the exertion. With time to just think, the numerous realities of life that I have been neglecting on my winter break came tumbling down upon me. Errands to run, things to do around the house, work for both of my jobs, my art-making. And today was one of those days when I just didn't feel like doing any of it. Although I am feeling a little blah and lazy and upset with not making more of my last day of freedom, there were a few highlights:

hot tea with the perfect amount of sweet and milk.

talking with my brother and hearing maturity and thoughtfulness in this voice.

olive's grin as we walked up hagen trail.

a woodpeckers tapping and a dead trees squeaking against another tree.

fire and warmth and pajamas.

the pleasure of cooking something involved.

and now...sleep.

Cold Night on 1/1/11

Sitting by my wood stove, feeling incredibly grateful for its warmth, as I watch the sky turn a lavender blue, the chilliness almost apparent in the air through our trusty new windows. Our Christmas tree is still up (and will be for a while if I have anything to do with it. which I do :) ) and the white lights are hanging above a tired dog's sleeping little body.

The start to a new year. Always a time of such hope and expectancy. And of remembering what came before. I liked Claire's Highlights of 2010. Jamie and I did a little bit of reminiscing this morning about our year. About how we both had one of the best days of our lives in July. Spending a month in Maine with my family, getting into the mountains, my time with Claire in the Winds, winning a ribbon with Olive in agility, shaping a home with Jame, watching incredible dance and music here in Jackson, getting to know myself better than the year before.....life really is incredible, its richness, and intricacies, its surprises, joys, hardships, and loves.

Spent a good part of the day outside, despite the negative temps, skinning and skiing with Jame, Olive and pals. The sun bringing warmth to the cold, the trees covered with a rime that just shone. The wonderful feeling of working to achieve the blissful sensation of gliding down snow-covered hills. Now, contentedness with just sitting and listening to my favorite community radio and writing. 

A good first day to a new year of promise and adventure.

Happy New Year!