Refuge

This has been my work space for the last couple of months. At first I was scared that I would treat it like my old studio in The Factory, a place that I rarely visited. Now, because of a change of priorities, I feel a little sad when I don't make it down there. I love having an open space, hearing what others are listening to and working on, and having a big window full of sunlight and views of the mountains. Behind the studio are trails that wind up the buttes and into the canyon, offering needed escapes from the art-making, to cavort with the little dog and watch while she glides through the sage brush in pursuit of chiselers. Blue-its were out yesterday with the little bit of rain, a promise of spring despite the snow-topped trees above.

I am working on a dragon head for the Bra for the Cause and three pod-costumes. What could be more random but magical than that?

Wanting to Eat Dinner in the Morning

This is how I feel at times. Putting the cart before the horse. Wanting the end product (what is that?) before going through all of the steps to get there. Putting the time in is the hard part but necessary to reap the rewards. This idea keeps coming up this week as my mind bounces around, discovering what I want to do, sweeping away the layers of cobwebs that cover my purpose in this life. I know that I live like this a bit, wanting to eat dinner when I first wake up, too eager for what is to come rather than enjoying the moment, the light of the morning, the feeling of leaving dreamworld.

It is alright to have an image of where you want to go, seeing yourself at your epitome. But when this image trumps what you have in the present, that is trouble and only leaves you sitting unable to move forward, frozen by the overwhelmingness of it all. Goals. Setting goals. Making baby steps that work towards those goals. Celebrating when I make it to the first step. The second. The third and the fourth.

I talked to a great friend today and for the first time, as I told her what I am doing with my life in this moment (semi-jobless), I felt proud of the big step that I took to get here. Not shame or guilt or remorse, no feelings like, who am I to think that I can do this?

I discovered a book at the newly reopened library the other day (how I missed this building for the two weeks it was closed) by Rick Hanson called  Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. He has listed 52 practices that guide you towards a "buddha brain" and therefore, a better way of living. A background in neuropsychology, Hanson approaches Buddhism with a scientific slant, recognizing that we have the power, through practice, to change the neural pathways in our mind. Our stories don't have to be our stories. I have decided to read a practice every week, working on that insight throughout the week and keeping it present as the days pass. This week the message is Be For Yourself (because that means that then you can be there for others in your life).

Namaste.

Yes, Yes, Yes!

What if you could unleash everything great in your life?

Oprah is a pretty remarkable woman. She has developed a Lifeclass that she is taking all over the nation, broadcasting it on her TV channel and streaming it on the web. Trying to inspire many to overcome obstacles, face their fears, live their best lives. Last week she welcomed Tony Robbins, inspirational life coach who has made it big, who talked about overcoming fear, a perfect topic for me at this place in my life. Although a bit tacky at times, a little cheeseball ( he has clients yell out Yes, Yes, Yes loudly to motivate themselves), Robbins had some nuggets to share that have stayed with me over the past week.

Firstly, he talked about the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves. How these are often constructed from childhood, how they bear no factual evidence in regards to who we are. How we need to divorce the stories that don't serve us and create stories that do reflect our true nature. We repeat our stories, good and bad, enough times until we believe them and make them part of us.

Robbins went on to talk about massive action, living out the positive stories of ourselves through body language, the way we hold ourselves, the words we choose to speak. Find the part of yourself that is fearless and act it out, give that state of self a name and summon it out when you choose. It is how we carry ourselves.

Courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Our lives will be smaller by not walking through fear; by challenging ourselves to act we grow and our capacity for love blossoms. Even in small ways, small steps, moving forward reaps amazing abundance.

I like the idea of speaking to oneself in a positive voice, making a persona within (because we all have one) that lives, breathes and oozes confidence. I know that there are many stories that I have created that don't necessarily have to be true except that I make them so. That I am the shy, quiet girl unable to have a voice. That I am driftless and not a hard worker. That I don't make art regularly enough so I can't be an "artist". The lists continues. There are positive stories too, but somehow those always seem to get rather lost in the pile. Divorce those that do not serve you. There is neuroscience research that speaks to this, our ability to change our thought patterns, to coax and teach them to form new pathways that make our life richer and less degrading.

If I could unleash everything great in my life, each day, each moment, would feel like an utter gift.

Creative Journey

Two months I ventured out on a new path.


I left behind my job, the comforts of structure, comeraditity, and a paycheck and took a step in a previously unexplored direction. The support of my friends, my husband, my parents has been immense, but gaining the support of myself has been difficult and a true challenge that will probably last many, many years, if not my lifetime. It is easy to let the small voices of doubt and fear be loud in your ear, sometimes letting their messages overshadow what the heart is telling you to do.


In this time, I have dived into books about the creative process and about fear and how to overcome it and signed up for online webinars which revolve around the idea of following your heart and getting out of your own way in order to make your dreams a reality. All this work that I have been doing is internal, not much to show for it on the outside, but I can feel an inside shift, which is where it all has to start anyway. Some days it has been overwhelming, to the point where too much self-help makes me feel like I am drowning, which is pointless. So, I want to use my blog as a way to purge, so that my head stays above the water and the ideas that I am learning sink in and are beneficial instead of just being thrown into a disorganized pile.


I am going to record insights from authors and online instructors that I am finding inspirational, as a way to dive into their theories and messages deeper and record them for future reference and reminder. 

Full Moon Inspiration

Today was a good day.
Motivation to travel over snow-covered hills (and mountains) to get to Idaho Falls.
The smiles of two brown-eyed dogs in the backseat, happy to just be along despite the dismal destination point.
Success and decision-making in IF, resulting in a new couch that we scored for a major bargain!
Running around with dogs in the parking lot, while the cold wind whipped our faces.
Hanging out with one of my best friends (who just happens to be my love too).
Mergansers, ospreys, bluebirds on the dike.
A delicious dinner, while eyeing our new couch, and then collapsing into it. Finally a soft place to sit in the house!
The full moon rising, with the clouds dissipating around it to reveal its full glow.
A great day of accomplishment, hope, laughter, and beauty, despite the snow and cold.

Click!

I spent at great deal of the weekend in beautiful Pinedale. The Wind River mountains stretch around this small town, snowy and bright this weekend. It pains me that this beautiful place has air that is so polluted due to drilling, but that is another post. My friend Meg and I drove down to attend the artist conference Click! put on by the artists in Pinedale and the Wyoming Arts Council. It was a wonderful weekend of inspiration, networking with other artists from around the state, and learning about new ways to get art out into the world and to grow as a creative. I am feeling more energized to push forward with my art, to be braver and just do it. I have nothing to lose and so so much to gain.


An excitement for today was the birdies that visited my feeder. They had been avoiding it it seemed, but this morning, chirping away, there were four or five of them eating birdseed in my yard. One was a crossbill I believe. Turning into such a birder...


Tomorrow is Monday. A new week of a new week. Full of promise.