Wanting to Eat Dinner in the Morning

This is how I feel at times. Putting the cart before the horse. Wanting the end product (what is that?) before going through all of the steps to get there. Putting the time in is the hard part but necessary to reap the rewards. This idea keeps coming up this week as my mind bounces around, discovering what I want to do, sweeping away the layers of cobwebs that cover my purpose in this life. I know that I live like this a bit, wanting to eat dinner when I first wake up, too eager for what is to come rather than enjoying the moment, the light of the morning, the feeling of leaving dreamworld.

It is alright to have an image of where you want to go, seeing yourself at your epitome. But when this image trumps what you have in the present, that is trouble and only leaves you sitting unable to move forward, frozen by the overwhelmingness of it all. Goals. Setting goals. Making baby steps that work towards those goals. Celebrating when I make it to the first step. The second. The third and the fourth.

I talked to a great friend today and for the first time, as I told her what I am doing with my life in this moment (semi-jobless), I felt proud of the big step that I took to get here. Not shame or guilt or remorse, no feelings like, who am I to think that I can do this?

I discovered a book at the newly reopened library the other day (how I missed this building for the two weeks it was closed) by Rick Hanson called  Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time. He has listed 52 practices that guide you towards a "buddha brain" and therefore, a better way of living. A background in neuropsychology, Hanson approaches Buddhism with a scientific slant, recognizing that we have the power, through practice, to change the neural pathways in our mind. Our stories don't have to be our stories. I have decided to read a practice every week, working on that insight throughout the week and keeping it present as the days pass. This week the message is Be For Yourself (because that means that then you can be there for others in your life).

Namaste.