Sleepless in Snowy Jackson

There have been certain nights this past week when I put down Reading Lolita in Tehran (my current read), turn off the light, roll over onto my side, and my mind starts racing. These are the nights that I know I will have to do battle with myself in order to enter dreamworld. Tonight I decided not to fight the thoughts and get up and be productive.

There are so many things to do. Always. Some fun, some not as much.

Tonight the list reads like this, in this order:

--Grant for CCJH to support Public Arts Coordinator position
--Americans for the Arts 2010 Symposium in June (that I really want to attend, but maybe can't afford)
--Wedding details like...invitations, music, men's clothes, decorations, lights, getting my dog to Maine (big one)....this list can go on, but I have seen it all before and don't want to see it here.
--Getting Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet tickets sold
--How I am going to be an Artist....which leads to...
--Should I go back to school? and....
--For a degree in art-making or art-administrating?

Maybe this slight purging will help.

Snowy Spring...Food Observations...Inspirations

I woke up to big, fat, juicy flakes of snow flying past the window. By the time I got up, three inches had accumulated on the ground and Olive was a polar bear when she returned from her morning routine. It made me feel the anxious, gotta-get-out-and-ski sensation that only living in Jackson can evoke on a regular basis. I also felt like I just wanted to stay in my PJ's, warm with a cup of tea. Spring snow doesn't stick around long though; by the afternoon most of the five inches had vanished.

I am on day six of my ten day cleanse. I have mixed feelings. It feels great to have a goal, to test my willpower, to know that everything I am putting into my body is good for me. I also feel regulated, hungry often, and slightly crazed at times with my obsession of what I am going to eat and when. It is an unsettling relationship with food, maybe because it is a foreign one. I will take with me from this adventure a better idea of what to reach for when I snack, how much to eat in a sitting, and perhaps a little less coffee. What I want to consume next weekend, when I am through, is: chai tea with milk and honey, granola and yogurt, a piece of local made bread with butter, a hamburger (!), and a glass of red wine. Those are the things I miss the most...

My friend B sent out an art blog today, with an email that really struck me because it sounded like myself. It is often uncanny how B's thoughts about her artistic life are so parallel to mine. Not that our situations are unique. In fact, I would say most artists struggle with the creative process and with how to live an artistic life. Her blog and bravery made me smile though. Good job B!

Okay. Enough computer time for the day. I get lost in wedding blog world every evening it seems.

This is What My Brother Must Feel Like...

I am on day two of a cleanse, and I have to say, I am not as chipper as I was on day one. I get to eat at least; no liquid cleanse for me. Quinoa (no chicken broth), all the veggies I want, almost all the fruit I want (as long as I eat twice as many veggies), powdery supplement shakes, and one small, small square of dark chocolate. It will be good for me....it has already tested my willpower incredibly: the woman behind me in the tram line eating a chocolate-drizzled croissant; R and H eating french fries and washing them down with a freshly made cocktail at the swanky new venue Ignite (I had tea); and J eating a juicy, perfectly grilled buffalo burger in front of me as we watched Project Runway tonight.

It is interesting to have your day structured by food, to think twice about what goes into your mouth, to create something that you cannot taste, to be more thoughtful perhaps. Already I have realized how much I snack, not always on bad things, but out of boredom. I don't think that I would like leading such a highly disciplined life all of the time; I love my butter and red wine and making homemade granola and eating a bowl of it while it is still hot, crackling in the cold milk. But there are good lessons in these ten days, about awareness and consideration and relishing the taste of simple foods....

I hope that I don't end up disliking quinoa in the end though.

This is How I am Feeling Right Now...

I just went to the wedding blog A Practical Wedding and read this post and it sums up what I am feeling right now, caught somewhere in the middle of wanting a "wedding" and being disgusted by how cookie-cutter it can all feel.

It is hard to keep this event "you".

A Practical Wedding: Classic APW: The Wedding Industrial Complex, As It Were

What a Weekend or We Almost Made it Out of Town

So. Much. Boogieing.
We got to see Grace Potter & the Nocturnals on Saturday and Karl Denson with the Greyboy Allstars on Sunday. A pretty good mix of music.
Grace Potter makes me want to be rock star. Every time I see her, I leave wishing I had the band-on-the-road lifestyle, purely because she makes it look so much fun. www.gracepotter.com
The Greyboy Allstars performed last night in town, at the Pink Garter Theater, so we were able to dance our way home on foot, under an almost full moon. Again, great music full of funk, and sax, and even flute. Karl Denson has amazing stamina and the ability to rile up a crowd....www.greyboyallstars.com

First it was Moab, then it was biking in Pocatello and a couple nights at Lava Hot Springs, then it was one night at Lava, and then it was five miles down the road to Game Creek. And Game Creek was closed because it was unsafe (guessing because of a mountain lion or something, can't imagine what else would make a mellow trail "unsafe"). We are on the cusp of possibly having the biggest snowstorm of the year tomorrow. And that made Jamie more than nervous. We were literally driving out of town for a little vaca when we decided to turn around and come home. And skin up Snow King and enjoy some really good snow....which made the day lovely.

Pushing life to the limit

I want to live a life where I am totally passionate. Where I push my dreams, desires, ideas, creativity to the edge and then a little further. I want to feel good about my days, look back and feel tired but proud. And not necessarily see a finished product all of the time, but know that the process was invaluable enough.

I don't fully feel this quality in my life right now. I know that I often don't creatively investigate aspects of my life as curiously as I could. Maybe that is why I like working out with a trainer, because, although I have him standing over me, it is my own body and mind pushing me further than what I think is possible. I need to take that quality into my relationships, my work, my art, and my day-to-day existence.

It is probably fear, it is probably uncertainty, it is probably because it often feels safer to be the listener than the doer. It is a quality, motivation, that I want to foster in my life more. Awareness is a good first step.

A thing of beauty today was watching my dancing co-workers and friends perform their latest Contemporary Dance Wyoming piece. The endurance of their lungs and the joy of moving that was evident on all of their faces was a beautiful thing.

An Addendum to the Day:

8:50pm I just got back from hearing Azar Nafisi speak. She was brilliant and beautiful and fierce. The author of Reading Lolita in Tehran she spoke of writing, of reading, of imagination, and the dire need to reinvent our culture as one that honors and learns from art and literature. Our consciousness is sleeping, our feeling in entropy-that is the crisis of our country.  She spoke of the danger of labeling people without really knowing, how we categorize in order to feel safe or politically correct. How we read and write not because we know, but because we don't know and that journey is exciting. She spoke about how the power of literature transcends geographical and cultural differences, how our stories mesh with those of another. What an amazingly strong woman....I have loved every author and poet that the Library has brought for their speaker series. Going to Page to the Podium events have become one of my favorite events in Jackson purely because they leave me feeling inspired, hopeful, and filled with beauty. What a nice end to the day. http://azarnafisi.com/

Belaying

Today the highlight of my day was watching young Latina girls scale the walls of the climbing gym. Their smiles when they came down, having reached the top, were fresh, honestly excited, and genuine. I had so much fun. These three young ladies-A, L, and T-had never climbed and were absolutely delightful. The attention they gave one another, even often offering a hand to literally stand on, and the interest they showed in climbing was inspiring. Listeners and doers.

I was amazed at how their young bodies naturally moved in position to reach a hold, how the instinct of jumping and gripping a hold in a different but more easily manageable way came naturally. The encouragement from below to just go a little further, to rise a few feet higher, increased the girls confidence by leaps and bounds.

I was helping out my friend J with the middle school girls involved in the GAP (Girls Actively Participating) program. http://www.gapjh.org/home.html

It truly was the most rewarding part of my day. I learned a great deal...