The Day

Priceless days: you are walking on air, the whole world around you gleams golden, you say the right things, you laugh a lot, you feel great in the outfit you put on in the morning, you feel so full that you could burst, work goes smoothly and is fun, your interactions with strangers are filled with kindness and smiles, your dog listens to your every word, your boy wants to cuddle, your dinner turns out fabulously, your wine is perfect on your tongue, and you catch the sunset which makes everything glow.

Hold this day into tomorrow.

In the 30's...

Last night I had an interesting experience. I felt old. But not in a negative way. In a confident and clear way. I wasn't in my twenties anymore, I wasn't the one looking up (although I still do to many), and I didn't feel out of place or inexperienced. I felt like I was part of the Jackson community, someone in the art community who has something worthwhile to say. I liked the feeling, although it was odd to suddenly find myself in that role of mentor. I hadn't realized I had become that. But I guess I have also recognized that I am not a 24 year old, fresh to Jackson, either.

This post goes out to the amazing 30 year olds I met when I first moved to the valley, women who are still so dear to me. J and J and A....inspiring.  I only hope that I can be such a role model as all of them were to me.

post office ladies

It is a growing relationship, one that started with me saying the name on the name tag or them commenting on my scarf or the Pearl St. Bagel coffee in my hand. A tentative hello with some recognition, but not quite care enough to show that recognition whole-heartedly. A softness though, a different greeting than other people standing in line, waiting for stamps or their over-large packages, might receive.  A greeting with some degree of familiarity.

It is fascinating to me that these are women that I see every morning, that I have for almost six years, and we are only starting to begin a more personal dialogue.  It isn't that any of us are unfriendly or rude, just that that is the game played at the P.O. There is more humanness in our interactions now and a genuine caring about our conversation. One used my name the other day, referenced from a package I was picking up, starling me.  A big step forward.

They are always friendly, they get stressed out but only for good reason, and they do their jobs well. I hope our game continues.

What spending all day outside and watching Meryl Streep can do for the soul...

Pushing myself around the track, I was struck at how long it has been since I have spent a full day outside. Probably since climbing season. I had forgotten how your body adapts to the elements (helpful when you have layers to take on and off) and how wonderful it feels to be surrounded by blue sky, towering peaks, and sunshine-filled air. A fullness, yet also a lightness, occurs.

R and I did a women's skate skiing clinic today at the Village. It has made me eager for more, to get better and better, and be able to adopt this sport as part of my winter routine. A mix of hard work and, when you get good, an effortless grace. Could you ask for more in a sport? Nine to four and although my body was ready to sit, my mind was still racing to skate.

It's Complicated=A fun movie. And I got to see it with a great guy. E is always game for the same films I am, as long as they have got a good review, and our taste very rarely differs. Meryl Streep is one of my favorite actresses....I have watched two movies of hers in the past week and I just can't get enough of her. Her diversity, her strength, how her age has only made her more beautiful.

What a nice full day...Couldn't have asked for a much better one.

31

No photos, not much hype, just a normal day with phone calls and emails from and conversations with the amazing people that make up my life. What a full life. I am lucky. 31 years. Amazing how fast time goes...

My Project Runway addiction...

Season 7 begins in fifteen minutes and I can hardly wait!

It is always exciting to see the new characters, to pick the ones that immediately stand out, and, of course, see the amazing Tim Gunn. This is coming from a pretty big non-TV watcher (although I am also slightly addicted to The Office. But I watch that on Netflix.) so it is impressive that I will sit through the advertisements to watch PR.

I think my fascination with this show comes from my deep down dream of being able to design clothes and then make them by hand. My childhood drawings of models in my imagined designs are still stored some where in my parents house. I still buy fashion magazines. I covet designer labels I find at thrift stores, even if the garments don't fit right, just because it has a famous tag. Clothes are like a dirty secret to me, something I would secretly like to be more wild with, more daring, more...fashionable. And I think that maybe, through watching PR, I am attempting to access that part of myself, to still feel like that little girl drawing on her bedroom floor.

Have to go... I can't miss Heidi!

Communication

Once I get going, I think that I can be a pretty good talker, a sharer, a communicator. It is just that space before the words, the moments when everything is in my head, still silent, not out in the air, in someone else's ears.

I am not sure what the hesitation is--disappointment, fear, uncertainty, not wanting to hurt others. All qualities that occasionally keep me from being true to myself, from speaking my own heart.

It is my biggest struggle. My biggest obstacle in life. And I am determined to work on it. I am going to change how I look at it....struggle no more...obstacle no more....rather, it is an opportunity to find a side of myself that is new, even at the ripe age of 31, a time to be curious and explorative, brave and powerful.

It is an exhilarating goal.

My grateful's for today:
1. My friendship with J
2. My friendship with R
3. That the day was warmer and almost balmy
4. My wood stove
5. That there were tasty, nutritious leftovers in the fridge for dinner.