Gratitude

There is so much to be thankful for.

I found out yesterday, opening the Daily, that an acquaintance of mine had died in a car crash in Mexico. I know his wife of six-months, Mandy, better but had spent enough time with Chris to know that he was a really good man, one of those gentle human beings who effortlessly spreads kindness. And he and Mandy were really in love.

Life can just be gone so quickly. I know that I do not think about that enough. Not in a morbid sense, but with deep appreciation for all the gifts that surround me each day. My dogs cuddles when I wake up in the morning, the hot coffee Jamie leaves for me every morning, my ability to get out of bed and go for a run, the mountainous view when I come down Putt-Putt trail, the snug house that I live in, the wonderful friends that surround me...the list is endless. Upon hearing of her friend Phil's cancer, Babs said, " That is why you make sure that you are doing what you love...". And those words echoed through my head as I read the small article about Chris's death. Get over the fear and realize that time is valuable. Chris led a giving life. He bestowed numerous gifts upon the students of this valley and was an active participant in Habitat for Humanity. My heart goes out to his family and to Mandy who is having to deal with physical pain as well as the deep emotional loss of the man that she had decided to share her life with.

Just a few photos from the last week:




Jamie's sister Nikki looking out over the back side of the Tetons while skiing at Grand Targhee. My first time this season back on the snowboard and it felt great.




One of the cows that I made out of foam-core for Dancers' Workshop's production of The Wizard of Oz. This poor beast will be caught up in the cyclone that sends Dorthey's house flying....After one rehearsal he had already bent a leg and broken his tail.

The full moon that I got to see rise over the Snake River, a fishing bald eagle silhouetted in its intense glow. This shot is taken after the moon had risen a ways in the sky.

Figure in Red

I have discovered that when I wake up and immediately reach for my writing notebook, delving into what Julia Cameron calls Morning Pages, I feel lighter and more ready for the day. Rarely does the pen lift from the page and ink just flows. The idea of Morning Pages is that they eventually lead to creative flow, allowing the mind to aimlessly empty. They are not part of a journal, although mine take on that quality, and after completion they are not to be read for at least a few years. Unconscious writing but appropriate words...

The piece to the right is small. Only measuring four x six, this painting was made largely to use up paint but I ended up really appreciating the etheral figure that emerged. I have realized recently how much I love titanium white. It is like frosting and meant to be put on thick.

My hands are green from painting the stairs that will lead to the Emerald City....I am helping out with props for Dancers' Workshop's holiday performance of the Wizard of Oz. It is fun to be swept back into a favorite childhood story, to make the creation of larger-than-life lollipops and foamcore barn animals an adult responsibility.

5 Grateful's

1. The sunshine hitting the butte outside the window.

2. The warm day, however eerie it may be for this time in November.

3. That Jamie is cooking a delicious dinner right at this moment.

4. Laughing with Robin and Babs while painting stairs Kelly green.

5. The lightbulbs that I bought that make our dining room table lighter.

Lazy Sunday

Snow needs to come to the valley. I loved the warm fall that we had but when gray skies, cold rain and mud replace sunshine one wishes for the white goodness.

After our muddy adventure with Julia yesterday (which was amazingly fun and gave me the same feeling that playing soccer games in the rain used to) Olive and I opted for the least dirty running route, the dike. For running challenge the dike is perfectly flat, the terrain non-changing. For beauty it is plentiful. There seems to always be amazing light whenever I am there, hitting off clouds and mountains, casting intense or subtle shadows.

This painting is one that I did in my workshop last weekend. It was one of the first after I decided not to take it all so seriously, to just make shapes and use colors. I ended up really liking it.

I am struggling this Sunday night with where I am at right now. Last week I was on an art-high, confident that I have the motivation and talent to make a creative life. Tonight I am not so sure. Why is making art so scary? Even if it is just for myself I still feel fear. But when I think about a "real" job I feel less than enthralled. I know that I am the only one holding me back. I can physically feel myself doing it, suppressing potential. Reminds me of the wise words of Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

5 gratefuls:

1. The new room configuration that Jamie and I worked on together this morning. There is better feng shui for sure.

2. The photos that my mom sent me of my amazing brother in his body-building competition. To be posted here soon.

3. Olives smile when she gets to run.

4. The veggie burgers I made from scratch.

5. The Bay School newsletter which always makes me so thankful for the education I received there.

Sunshine breaking through the clouds

The sun keeps peeking through the blanket of grey, enticing Olive and I to get our daily walk in. The day has been less than motivating, with spitting cold rain and low skies. But when you live with a Border Collie/Australian Shepherd exercise is crucial. I have noticed though, as if she is keeping an eye on the dismal weather out the window, that Olive has gone back to bed many times today.

Below is not the best example of my Photoshop knowledge but for conveniences sake this image will be used. This painting is 3 x 5 feet, probably the largest piece of art work I have ever done. It felt amazing. I discovered that I stood differently, made wider arm movements and used paint in much greater quantities when painting this big. It was freeing, almost like a different art form. I know that this has opened up the door to new experiences, as scary as it also is. There is great metaphor in making big art when you are trying to be brave and put yourself out there as an artist.

This new discovery of working big is due to a four-day workshop that I took at the Art Association called Mixed Media: Engage your Creative Potential. An inspiring group of supportive women and an encouraging teacher made the weekend almost a therapy session of sorts. Check out www.laurenmantecon.com ( the instructor) as well as www.artassociation.org.


5 grateful's for today:
1. Inspirational friends. Thank you Julia and Ben.
2. Firewood right outside my door
3. Having a wonderful library in Jackson
4. Fresh coffee made by my boy
5. Lyle Lovett

Finding a type of clarity....

Right now I am unemployed.

It is amazing how hard it is to share that with people and not feel a bit guilty. Who am I to not have a job? But the fact is is that I am learning more about myself as the weeks pass then I ever would have sitting at a nine to five desk. This information is invaluable. There is not enough recognition of the importance of a balanced self in this society. It is encouraged to be more skilled at a computer program than on discovering what makes you a happy, healthy being.

For the first time in over a year I have been able to paint without keeping one eye on the clock and budgeting my time "wisely". I have been getting lost lately, amazed by the hours that fly by, only knowing that it is still morning because of the World Cafe.

I have been doing small imagined landscapes, based off of my first outside painting experience with my Mom in Maine. I found that while I enjoyed painting what I saw in front of me, my work is now wandering back to the landscapes in my head. Below and above are some of these imagined lands...