Lazy Sunday

Snow needs to come to the valley. I loved the warm fall that we had but when gray skies, cold rain and mud replace sunshine one wishes for the white goodness.

After our muddy adventure with Julia yesterday (which was amazingly fun and gave me the same feeling that playing soccer games in the rain used to) Olive and I opted for the least dirty running route, the dike. For running challenge the dike is perfectly flat, the terrain non-changing. For beauty it is plentiful. There seems to always be amazing light whenever I am there, hitting off clouds and mountains, casting intense or subtle shadows.

This painting is one that I did in my workshop last weekend. It was one of the first after I decided not to take it all so seriously, to just make shapes and use colors. I ended up really liking it.

I am struggling this Sunday night with where I am at right now. Last week I was on an art-high, confident that I have the motivation and talent to make a creative life. Tonight I am not so sure. Why is making art so scary? Even if it is just for myself I still feel fear. But when I think about a "real" job I feel less than enthralled. I know that I am the only one holding me back. I can physically feel myself doing it, suppressing potential. Reminds me of the wise words of Marianne Williamson:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

5 gratefuls:

1. The new room configuration that Jamie and I worked on together this morning. There is better feng shui for sure.

2. The photos that my mom sent me of my amazing brother in his body-building competition. To be posted here soon.

3. Olives smile when she gets to run.

4. The veggie burgers I made from scratch.

5. The Bay School newsletter which always makes me so thankful for the education I received there.