Daydreams of Warmth

What I am daydreaming about today....About a summer filled with climbing trips to places with red rocks, flowing streams, and open space for my dog to run. About working outside, doing a job that allows me to be in the sunshine and works my body. About being an artist and working in this space of mine daily, about seeing what happens when I commit to that. About traveling to Maine and seeing my family and the ocean, about having an art show with my parents. About finding a way to make my mark in my community in terms of advocating for artists of all ages and all abilities. About finishing my house with my husband and moving upstairs so that we can see the Grand and open the windows and feel the warm breeze of summer on our faces.

It is a grey day today. A cold, damp day. Spring is perhaps the hardest month here because everything is brown, the mud is everywhere, the skiing starts to be bad, and the trails are too slick to run on. I know that we will have more winter, but the days are starting to feel different, as if everything is awakening and stretching.

I am in my studio space. Working on a piece for the Art Assc. show that is due on Friday. Loving my pod shapes. Making them is so soothing to me, the same shape forming in my hands, but each one different in terms of how the needle catches the delicate cheesecloth.

Feeling so tired. The time change is really making it hard to get up in the morning and I almost feel like resorting to coffee again. Going to the climbing gym right now, climbing with good ladies. That will energize me for a while. And then I will crash tonight. Hopefully Jamie makes dinner :)

My Weekend

This weekend was so much better than the last one....Started with an early sneak-out-of-the-office on Friday afternoon into the sunshine. Jamie and I walked to the newly reopened Trio (it almost burned down last December when their pizza oven caught on fire) and had delicious blood orange margaritas and pizza. Slightly tipsy we made our way over to our friends house to play an impromptu game of Settlers of Catan, one of the best board games around at the moment. Quite fun, and Olive only attacked (ran at really) their cat once.

Saturday. Waking up alone and rousing myself to make it to a 9am workout at Augies. It was hard to get there, but as I saw the remnants of the previous nights drinks drip down my face as sweat, I felt glad and proud of myself for rallying. Came home and cleaned my house and then made my way down to the studio to work. Which felt good. It is starting to feel more cozy, thanks to things on the wall and a piece of carpet, that we tore up from our upstairs, on the floor. It is great to just go down there and have nothing to do by make art, to force myself to create, even if it is just doodling. I have been thinking a lot this weekend about why it is such a force to make art, that maybe I am making myself do something I really don't want to do. And that when I get excited about seeing artwork, maybe those feelings are telling me something different than, "make art, make art, make art"....maybe I am just supposed to be around art, around artists, around creativity. I don't think that this is necessarily true for me, but it does amaze me how much of a struggle it can be. Went out for a late dinner with my friend Jen (another dinner out!) and we had good laughs and words shared.

This morning I ventured in the misty mountains with Julia. We had an ambitious route chosen, and upon climbing a couple of thousand feet, decided that the fog was too thick to keep going up. So we took off our skins and skied down the crusty snow, grateful that it was firm enough to stay on top and not posthole. We saw no one all day, and the sun was out full force in the valley. We decided to go shopping. Now, I lie contentedly in bed after a team made dinner. And sleep is heavily on the mind.

Grey Day

I got to start the day talking to my amazing parents. I love talking to them, and wish that it didn't have to be over a phone. I am excited to start skyping with them soon, so at least I can see them, despite being miles apart. Where they are in Florida sounds so amazing, and the 85 degree temps are more than tempting on a grey Wyoming day.

My day was ho-hum, sort of mirroring the weather outside which was so sunless and cold. I am feeling the itch to leave Jackson for a while, to pop the bubble and escape, just somewhere different. It is comforting living in a place where you see the same sights, the familiar faces, take the day to day paths, but also very closeting and repetitive.

I climbed with a great group of ladies tonight. I felt strong and was able to make it up some more challenging climbs. It felt great to stretch and lengthen on the gym walls, while also getting my muscles pumping with blood.

Babs just called me from her residency in Gillette. She has the idea, for her birthday, of getting a group of artists together and having them make different fashion challenges every two weeks. At the end of the event, we will display the pieces in a fashion show.....It will be called Runaway Projects (a total play on Project Runway). And it sounds like excellent fun.

Nice visions to go to sleep to.....xoxox

Riches

I had a day when I wished I was independently wealthy, yet also quite happy with the riches of my life that are not monetary. The independently wealthy aspect was in regards to my job, wishing that I didn't have to work in order to live. And the riches in my life were in regards to my parents, my friends, my husband, and my dog. I wonder if I really would explore all of the activities and places I think I would if making money wasn't a necessity....Would my life be as diverse and as purposeful? I think partly I am just coming down off of the high of a really fun week. This often happens after a dance company leaves. The reality of the work that was neglected to make room for the socializing and running around raises its furry head and asks for attention.

I just got back from my book group. We read The Other Side of Desire: Four Journeys into the Far Realms of Lust and Longing. Up to now we had read what we all categorized as "pleasant" reads, nothing really too challenging. This book was not that. It showcases four different fetishes, four different desires that are not normalized in our society. Quite fascinating to explore the realms of sexuality....made me feel like I was back at Smith. This group of women that I meet with monthly is fantastic. They make me laugh and make me think.

Time for bed. A tummy full of Thai food and my new book beckoning. xoxo

Long time...

Been a long time since I have written. A whirlwind week of late dinners out, exquisite dancers with amazing bodies and personalities to match, lifting, laying marley floor, running errand after errand, smiling a lot, long nights and early mornings, inspiration, art everywhere. Alonzo King Lines Ballet is extraordinary. If you ever, ever have the opportunity to see them, do. The company is more than just talented dancers and a creative choreographer. There is something that speaks to the heart when they dance, something pure art that springs forth.

Today was a great day. I worked my legs and lungs up Mt. Glory to ski with my boy and my dog. My favorite combo. Amazing new snow, the feeling of gliding down, the lightness of the white, my growing aggressiveness with my turns. I worked from home today, and got a great deal done. Feels great to be productive. Yoga tonight made my body hum with warmth and my hips feel the most open they have in weeks.

My friend Carrie had to put her dog down today. I got her text and immediately feel into Olive with tears dripping on her fur. She licked my face with big open, brown eyes. I told her I treasure every moment that we can climb Mt. Glory together, that I can see her run, that she snuggles with me. I will be a mess. An utter, absolute mess when my day comes to let Olive enter her next life.

But for now I have a healthy pup lying next to me. And a very diverse and inspiring day behind me.

Studio Nerves

Today I fell nervous about my impending and drawn out move into this studio space of mine. I feel like my time gets eaten away by my work, my work that pays, and today I was just sensitively aware of how my attention gets directed. And how I will have to shift my priorities once I am in my studio. It is a good first step to get rid of my CCJH job, but Dancers' Workshop will also have to lessen in its demand. Or I will have to step back from the hold it has over me and my days. That is probably more of the case.

I am more on edge this week about this new venture I am on. A space of my own that I pay for and that is surrounded by other artists. I have all of these ideas that are in my head, not on paper, and I look at artists online and dream about a life of art-making. Harder to say than do. And I don't want to have expectations of myself that fall flat. The balance between not having too high of expectations and pushing oneself towards goals is a hard one for me. I already feel this need to be down there, painting the walls and moving my stuff in. Today I feel a little bit like I have to prove that I deserve to have a space, like others are watching to see if it really was meant for me....

Day

Winter is back. I woke up to wind pounding snow against my window, the morning sky that inky blue that glows with the rising sun. My bed was particularly comforting today because of the weather, and I proceeded to not only have my green tea under the comforter, but my bowl of cereal as well. And then I worked for an hour, Olive never raising her head to ask for a walk. She skied hard all weekend.

The hustle and bustle of DW is endless. I feel lucky that I like everyone that I work with, that amidst the scrambling to get everything done there are moments of laughter and chatting and smiles. I feel refreshed knowing that I am making the decision to only have one job (maybe I will count art-making as a job at times), as if that choice brings clarity to the other work at hand. As much as I may bitch, I am quite lucky, a fact I only seem to notice more and more.

Walking Olive in the dusk. Her eager jumping for joy at being free of the basement, Jamie and I huddled against the wind. I was reminded today, as I told Olive that we would take a walk later and her little ears poked up, that dogs only exist in the present. That the future means nothing to her. I want to remind myself of that more often.