Our Day....Looking Back

**I started writing this when I first got back to Jackson. Things have gotten in the way of writing, but I am working to change that....

I have been meaning to write all week, to get back to this place that was part of my life "pre-wedding". Now the wedding has passed and I am feeling a little blue, sad that all of the activity, anticipation, preparation, and excitement has passed, leaving behind lovely memories of one of the best days of my life.

Saturday, July 24. Butterflies in my stomach when I wake up, mixed with the stress that always seems to reside in my stomach when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. Rain, sometimes in cold sheets. Flowers from Sue, dutifully picked up by my brother, ready to be arranged by my mothers' and Jamies grandmothers' deft hands. A white tent that takes up the whole lawn, aglow in the dark morning with Christmas lights. Direction of Claire, Kate, and Bryn, who take my needs and gracefully run with them. The tables start to come together, with votives, centerpieces, table numbers.  A vision is starting to become a reality. Periodically wondering what Jamie is doing, whether he is nervous, excited. Sweet Marit comes with bobbi pins and hairspray in tow and proceeds to not only soothe my mother, help dab a last minute stain out of my wedding dress (!), but make my hair look absolutely gorgeous. I begin to feel the realness of it all. Bridesmaids fill the upstairs of my parents house. Anne arrives to snap the activity, taking photos of my minimal makeup application. I feel like a celebrity, but also prefer when just my mom and I are sharing the bathroom mirror to apply mascara. Jamie is spotted out the window. He is wearing the straw hat I gave him and looking adorable, as usual. Giggle, mimosas, tears....I love all of the ladies who are getting ready with me so much. Adornment and then I get in the dress. Ahh, the dress that I love so much. So much. Fun, but slightly dangerous pink shoes on, I am ready to go. The rain has stopped and the air is a soft grey, cool enough so I don't get hot in my heavy dress and perfect for photography. The woods look magical as I walk down the path with my parents, who put so much into its existence and created a truly perfect spot for a wedding. I hide up the path with my parents, watching the bridal party move down the path, Olive walking beside Claire and Luke, not wanting Jamie to spot me prematurely. At Last begins and the moment is now, my parents and I walking down the wood chips, crossing the bridge and working our way up the incline to the arbor and my groom. Kisses to my parents and then I am there with Jamie, aware of the people all around us. Not feeling nervous that all eyes are on us, because these are eyes that love us. Fays kind words, Bryn reading an excerpt from The Gift from the Sea, everyone's cheers of support....then our words. My voice trembles a bit, but I take the words slow. Jamies turn...more misting. Olive is summoned and she works her way dutifully through the crowd, finding her parents, bringing us the rings like the best little dog. Ring vows and then our kiss and it is over, we are moving down the aisle as husband and wife. It went so quickly. It really was one of the most amazing episodes in my life. The people, the setting, the weather, the happenings. All formed together to make the experience one I will never forget.

More to come....

Birds

It was so warm today. By nine o'clock I was in a tank top and my workout pants. I took Olive down to the dike for a run/walk (I had already worked out with Augie) so that she could stretch her dog legs.

Immediately we were met with bird chirps and the honk of geese. The swallows were diving in the air, a duck was bobbing in the river, and a flicker was perched on the fence post. Hawks were soaring above and the robin, whose tune is so lovely, was singing in the high trees.

My mind immediately went to the list of birds I heard named on Democracy Now the other day, birds that  my mom has pointed out to me in Florida for the past two years, birds who have supplied so much pleasure in their beauty, mannerisms, and overall presence. Now they are all threatened due to the ineptitude, disfunction, and greed of big business, namely BP, although our government has been slow in a response as well.

It makes me so happy that the birds are singing where I live, that I am fortunate enough to have birds that want to sing and be bird-like, and my heart goes out to all of the species that are being effected by this disaster.

Sex and the City: old memories, new memories

The movie theater was all women tonight; women of all shapes and sizes and ages, some boisterous and cat-calling, some dressed to the tee and chic. The energy was invigorating. And we were all gathered to watch Carrie, Miranda, Samantha, and Charlotte take the screen yet again in the rather embarrassingly entertaining sequel Sex and the City 2. Not quality film-making by any means, but rather a decadent display of fashion, frivolity, and relationships, the movie reminded me of how much I loved getting lost in the TV series.

Memory: I remember my first year in Jackson, sitting on the basement couch in our Cache Creek Dr. house, eating popcorn with C. and watching episode after episode of Sex and the City. Characters with worlds so different from our own, yet the messages in the series often spoke to our own lives. And the fashion was always so much fun to witness and drool over. Carrie's bravery when it comes to dressing remains an inspiration to me to this day.

Don't go to this movie for content, great plot, or witty writing, but rather for the nostalgia it invokes and the escapism that it provides.

Memory: I now have a great memory of leaving the Pearl St. theater with A and S, dressed in my Marc Jacobs shoes that I got at Browser for a dollar (Carrie would approve of the brand, maybe not the method secured) that match my jacket, big earrings, tight jeans, feeling happy to be a woman yet again. The air is warm, all the ladies exiting the theater are laughing, and I feel like I have gone on a journey.

Sunshine

Sunshine makes all of the difference. Yesterday peoples faces looked filled with tiredness and conversations inevitably turned to the weather, and how dismal it has been. Spring in the mountains but it feels like winter. Today though, the sun was shining and despite the still cold breezes everyone seemed a little lighter.

I started my day out on the dike, one of my favorite runs, with my favorite dog. Even the birds were ecstatic, all singing and chirping, swallows diving in ribbon-like patterns catching rejuvenated bugs. The sun made me feel light and quick on the trail.

I had one of those days were I just wanted to smile and talk to everyone. I am usually a friendly person, but today there was a renewed feeling of being lucky to live in a place where people look you in the eye, say hello, and genuinely acknowledge you.

J and I rode our bikes to see some friends off on their next adventure. Although still wearing the light down coat, it felt great to be on my bike, pedaling myself to my destination. On the way home the sky was tinged with pink and a white, feathery almost full moon was rising above Cache Creek.

A good day. Weather please stay.

The Happenings That Made Today Special

Olive and I walked to Putt Putt this morning, the grey clouds low but forming amazing patterns in the sky, and against the grey caught a brilliancy of orange. A tanager making his way north, stopping for a rest in a tree in an East Jackson yard. His coloring was amazing, one of those birds that you can't quite believe really exists. An omen for a joyful day.

Slightly frantic in my usual lateness to work, I pulled out of Stormy Circle and was met with an old lady, in her eighties I am guessing, with her thumb out! I of course pulled over and got the pleasure of meeting "Moosie" who had been to the hospital to get her eyes checked and needed a ride to the post office. So thankful, so sharp, so smiling and beautiful, she made my morning ride to work one of the best I have ever had. It made me realize how infrequently I am around the elderly, and how many of them have so much to teach and tell.

Watching Olive follow me dutifully around the agility course, whether I am leading her correctly or not, is always an amazing experience because it feels like we are almost one being. And her excitement when she gets it right and gets to have a treat! And my excitement when I get it right and am rewarded with her beaming grin! It doesn't seem crazy at all to me in those moments that I am willing to drive 3000 miles across this country in order for my dog to be in Maine safely and soundly this summer. She really is a friend that I receive so much from. How could I not have her there...

Sitting with a table full of ladies at Picas. Hearing stories, hardships, laughter. Recognizing how we are all so unique, but also so human at the same time. The connections of females are powerful; makes me so glad and fortunate to be a woman.

Sleep.

10 Beautiful Aspects of a Tuesday

1. Buying J breakfast and lunch for the plane at Whole Grocer.
2. Realizing that I feel quite calm about the wedding overall.
3. This happened yesterday, but the excitement carried over to today....having my parents tell me that J and I can stay at my grandfathers cabin after we get married, land that I grew up on.
4. Talking to R openly, honestly, and deeply while at work.
5. Hearing my brothers voice, laugh, and that he will drive many miles across the country with me if that is what I want.
6. The smell of sage after the rain.
7. A fresh salad for dinner.
8. Talking to my beautiful friend C, who is truly one of my most favorite people on the planet.
9. My comfortable bed and sleep. 

29 Gifts

Last night I finished the book 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life by Cami Walker. She is a woman living with MS, whose life was in decline until she was introduced to the 29 days of giving. Now, although still living with the degenerative disease, she has created an international phenomena of giving through her website www.29gifts.org.

The book chronicles her journey through the 29 days, how her heart opens to others, her gratitude for life expands, and how giving openly brings healing and amazing opportunities into her life.

Cami Walkers Story:

The first day of my personal 29-Day Giving Challenge was preceded by a sleepless night. I was awake all night feeling angry and sorry for myself during a difficult flare up of my Multiple Sclerosis. When insomnia hits, I often go through old journals and read them. I found a note that I'd made during a phone session with one of my spiritual teachers, Mbali Creazzo, two months before. The note said, "Give something away each day for 29 days." It was 3 a.m. and I decided in that moment to take the suggestion.

And so my 29-Day Giving Challenge began that morning as I gave my first gift -- a simple supportive phone call to another friend living with MS. I woke up the next day and the next day after that feeling excited about what I might give away. And I began to notice that the more I gave away, the more abundance I was experiencing for myself.

I wanted to see what would happen in my life if I really committed and focused my energy on giving for 29 days. What space would it create in my life for new and unexpected things to occur? What shifts would I see in my thinking and behavior as a result? What impact would my gifts have on others? These were just a few of the questions I was curious about in the beginning, but there’s no way I could have anticipated what unfolded for me.

By Day 29, I was astounded by the magical and miraculous shifts in my energy for life:

• I was feeling happier, healthier, and more in awe with life.
• I found myself smiling and laughing more.
• My body got stronger and I was able to stop walking with my cane by Day 14.
• My business exploded with new, unexpected opportunities and I was able to go back to work part-time again after months of being too sick to work.
• I began connecting with a community of new friends in Los Angeles after feeling isolated in my new home for several months. With help from the website, I also reconnected with my community of friends from San Franciscio and the Midwest, where I had lived previously.
• My creativity opened up and I began writing stories regularly.
• I began experiencing a deeper intimacy in my relationship with my husband, family and friends.

The list of changes goes on and on. This is only the beginning.
When I started out, nothing was planned. I simply began the day and when I felt moved to give something, I did. Part of me initially wanted to plot out the 29 days and line up the things I was giving in my hallway so I had the illusion of knowing what to expect. But collapsing into that old, manipulative and controlling way of being would defeat the purpose of the experiment.


I documented what I gave away and any observations I made each day. I began to post the stories online. Who knows, I thought, maybe others will decide to take the 29-Day Giving Challenge and experience a similar positive impact on their lives. So I decided to invite some friends to join me and within a couple weeks of sending the first invitation over 120 people signed up and committed to the Challenge.


My goal with the 29-Day Giving Challenge is to create a worldwide revival of the giving spirit in the world. I want to inspire more generosity on the planet and help change lives, one gift at a time.