Gratefuls for 1.11.11

Gratefuls for today:

--My breakfast in my "new" cozy kitchen (Jamie and I moved into our downstairs apartment in preparation for the demolition of the upstairs).

--A Marketing Workshop that got the gears going about how I can be a better employee in both of my jobs, while keeping it all more interesting.

--A beautiful, leisurely hike up Mt. Glory with bluebird skies and a brilliant sun.

--Olives chirping on the ski down, her joy at being in the outdoors.

--A tired body and a sun-kissed face.

--A good friends kind words

--A realization that I am so happy with my decision to stay put in Jackson and not worry about my future and what I am supposed to do with it....and jumping into a greater art-making process. Walking through that fear.

--My book club, full of interesting and curious and smart ladies. We ate pasta and salad and cookies and talked about a rather dull read....

--Jamie, who started a roaring fire and turned off the TV upon my return home :)

--A full day that has left me content and ready for shut eye....

My Days

Jamie and I spent all day cleaning the downstairs kitchen and moving our bedroom to the basement as well. It was hard work, but gratifying and the first step towards our renovations on the upstairs floor. This little house needs so much help and we are eager to help make it stronger, more functional, and beautiful. Although we didn't even step outside today (Olive did to accompany Eliah to his weekly acupuncture appointment around the corner. Olive loves her uncle.) it was a fulfilling day, with obvious results at the end of the day. I like that type of work sometimes. I am trying to look at this move to the basement as exciting, like we are moving into a new house for a few months. While cleaning, I came up with the idea of having a birthday dance party in our empty upstairs next weekend. Will be a perfect opportunity--all of the furniture will be gone and we won't have to worry about ruining anything because it is all going bye-bye soon after.

I have decided some new actions for my life in the last few days. I have been feeling the overwhelming weight of my birthday, not because it is my 32nd but because it is the due date for many grad school applications. I am not prepared to send in applications, and that fact has been bothering me, hanging over my head. But yesterday an art space opened up at Teton Artlab, an amazing room that costs very little and is housed in the midst of many talented artists of all genres. And I got asked by my co-worker Jen to do an installation for a dance piece she is choreographing. An art project to work on and a space to do it in. I am agreeing to both.

And with that, my decision has been made. I feel really good about it. I was attempting to do too many things to prepare for an art therapy program in a short amount of time. I am still going to take a psychology class and I am still going to go visit Naropa, because I don't want to close doors completely. But the fact is, I am not ready to take four pre-req.'s before August, shoot a body of artwork that I feel good about, figure out who to ask for recommendations, and wrap my mind around leaving my life here to live for three years in Boulder.

Now my challenge is to carve out quality time in my new studio, to not push my art to the side.

Modern Dance

Tonight I was a Modern dancer. Initially, I did not want to go to class because it was at a late time and it was at the place that I work. But it ended up being the highlight of a rather tiring and brain-deadening day. Modern dance is the equivalent of abstract art, which as you all know I love and am partial to. So as much as I liked my Ballet class a couple of months ago, my heart really responds to the easy-going, creative, and independent dance form of Modern.

We had to express Gooey movements across the floor, followed by Sharp, Fluid, and Sparkley ones. We got to roll, prance, jump and turn. My body felt so stiff in some ways, so caught in the rigidness that can be adulthood. A good hour and a half of letting go, having fun, laughing with eight great women, and forgetting about the list a mile long that I have going in my head and on numerous scrap pieces of paper at my desks.

Freeness, a nice state to go to bed in.

Busy Bee

I am thinking about a conversation that Claire and I were having recently about whether I prefer having my days jammed packed with a billion things, which seems to be the case more often than not, or if I wish that life was just a little slower. Looking back on this first day back at work (reality and not skiing powder every day) I feel really content, more so than I did yesterday from a day of doing little. I don't know exactly what that means, but it is just in my awareness right now. During the day I felt rather stressed and crunched and juggling many balls. But in retrospect it all came together and I was able to mix the work with a workout this morning, a nice lunch at home with my dog, and a climbing session at the gym with Jame. And I feel like I accomplished tasks at work, which is really satisfactory. I suppose what gets me down a bit is how I can busy myself easily with "jobs" that aren't really hitting my soul-like art, meditating, writing, etc.

My friend Jodeen dropped a box of ginger chews and my desk today and said thank you. I didn't know what for, until she told me that her husband has been painting for the last day and a half. Harry and I had this long discussion on New Year's Eve about making art, making ourselves do art, finding the time and space and motivation, and having others view our creations. I motivated him to go home and start painting again. That is what he told Jodeen. It made me so unbelievably happy, that I could help someone in this way.

This is a blog that I am loving now: http://dearinspirationblog.blogspot.com/

And this is a blog of a yoga teacher in town: http://neeshazollinger.blogspot.com/

Loved her last entry.

xo

Last day of freedom

After so much skiing this past week, I decided to give my body a break from the cold temperatures and the exertion. With time to just think, the numerous realities of life that I have been neglecting on my winter break came tumbling down upon me. Errands to run, things to do around the house, work for both of my jobs, my art-making. And today was one of those days when I just didn't feel like doing any of it. Although I am feeling a little blah and lazy and upset with not making more of my last day of freedom, there were a few highlights:

hot tea with the perfect amount of sweet and milk.

talking with my brother and hearing maturity and thoughtfulness in this voice.

olive's grin as we walked up hagen trail.

a woodpeckers tapping and a dead trees squeaking against another tree.

fire and warmth and pajamas.

the pleasure of cooking something involved.

and now...sleep.

Cold Night on 1/1/11

Sitting by my wood stove, feeling incredibly grateful for its warmth, as I watch the sky turn a lavender blue, the chilliness almost apparent in the air through our trusty new windows. Our Christmas tree is still up (and will be for a while if I have anything to do with it. which I do :) ) and the white lights are hanging above a tired dog's sleeping little body.

The start to a new year. Always a time of such hope and expectancy. And of remembering what came before. I liked Claire's Highlights of 2010. Jamie and I did a little bit of reminiscing this morning about our year. About how we both had one of the best days of our lives in July. Spending a month in Maine with my family, getting into the mountains, my time with Claire in the Winds, winning a ribbon with Olive in agility, shaping a home with Jame, watching incredible dance and music here in Jackson, getting to know myself better than the year before.....life really is incredible, its richness, and intricacies, its surprises, joys, hardships, and loves.

Spent a good part of the day outside, despite the negative temps, skinning and skiing with Jame, Olive and pals. The sun bringing warmth to the cold, the trees covered with a rime that just shone. The wonderful feeling of working to achieve the blissful sensation of gliding down snow-covered hills. Now, contentedness with just sitting and listening to my favorite community radio and writing. 

A good first day to a new year of promise and adventure.

Happy New Year!

Snippets

I let Olive out this morning and there were deer tracks on our porch. I love living in a place where deer can easily and comfortably roam through your yard. It started my day off right.

The sun was out for what feels like the first time in days, and the sky was bright blue, the air crisp and clean feeling. Olive and I walked along Flat Creek on the bike path, in a direction I have never gone before. The chickadees were chirping, the creek was bubbling, and there was this sweet little cabin in the middle of a complex of newer houses that was all decorated for the holidays.

The arts are so alive here and it energizes me to participate more. A sculpture trail is being created at the Museum of National Art. A new gallery for locals is opening. Teton Artlab has turned an old candy factory into studio and exhibit spaces. My friend Abbie has launched a clothing line.

I go back and forth between what I want to do. With my life. I haven't signed up for any pre-reqs, partly because of fear and partly because I feel like I am closing the door on other things. I know I can try it all if I want to, but it all feels daunting and too much. I want to be an artist and be excited to be an artist. I also want to try to help people and live the richest and most curiosity-filled life possible.

I have been sending Sally Tomkins a great deal of love the last few days....